Bore
By Eric Dowd
Toronto – Competition for the title of most boring speaker in the
Ontario legislature in memory naturally is intense, but the mantle seems
to have fallen on John Williams.
Williams
was a Progressive Conservative MPP and briefly a minister between 1975-85
and could set members dozing faster than sleeping pills.
Liberal
Sean Conway, considered the legislature’s finest orator when he retired
in 2003 after 28 years as a MPP and well qualified to judge, said in
recalling his own career Williams was the most boring he knew.
Long-serving
Conservative Bob Runciman, who has heard many MPPs, said when he thought
of politicians `who can speak at length and bore us all to tears,’ John
Williams leaped first to mind and added `I apologize, John.’
Conway,
New Democrats Stephen Lewis and former premier Bob Rae and Liberal Elmer
Sopha often have been named among the best speakers in memory, but this is
the first time one has been rated most boring.
Reporters
who covered the legislature at the time will agree. Williams spoke often
on almost every subject, ponderously, always seriously and without any
trace of humor.
A
lawyer, he spoke as if he was writing a legal document, never using
`said’ when he could substitute `enunciated’ or
`end’ when he could say `termination.’
Things
were never done, but enacted, ideas not good, but meritorious, residents
did not live in a riding, but within its geographic parameters, and his
speeches were sprinkled with notwithstanding and therefore.
Williams
called the federal Liberals’ energy policy `an imbalance of priorities
that surely has to be a classic example thereof.’
He
said of a Budget `the resultant cost pressure, in conjunction with the
decline in the relative importance of premium revenue, has generated a
huge financing gap’ – there are simpler ways to explain a deficit.
Williams
said he relished `the opportunity of pricking the balloon of the
simplistic criticisms of the opposition parties.’
He
argued `the type of rhetoric from the opposition continues without any
factual backups to substantiate those generalizations that have become
nothing more than rhetoric and well-worn clichés.’
When
Williams assessed accurately there was `some commercial viability to the
use of wind energy,’ a Liberal interjected if he could bottle his own,
he would be rich.
During
one protracted speech opponents warned they were `willing to stay here as
long as you are’ and `prepared to suffer.’
Williams
complained Liberal leader Stuart Smith was eating peanuts in the
legislature, but all parties had to laugh when Smith denied it and said
Williams was `even further from his tree than usual.’
But
Williams is remembered most because a newspaper reported that, while a
vocal opponent of nude dancing in clubs, he had been seen enjoying himself
in a strip bar in Washington during a visit with an all-party committee
studying transportation.
Williams
explained he and two other Tories went into what seemed a cocktail lounge,
had no idea waitresses would strip and left immediately one did.
He
charged in the legislature one of two Liberal MPPs on the committee, whom
he identified, had deliberately given the newspaper false information.
Williams
said the Liberals were sinking to a new low in sleaze and enjoying
themselves by making falsehoods public and demanded they apologize or he
would sue for slander.
One
of the two Liberals retorted he never gave information to the paper and
unless Williams apologized he would sue, and the other kept his head down,
and a third Liberal added if their party sometimes laughed at Williams, it
had good reason.
Williams
was treated badly, but he protested at such length and with such outrage
the issue spread to news media that had not shown interest before.
One
odd twist is John Williams, who did not seem to have an a funny bone in
his body, has a son, Harland, who is a stand-up comedian and has appeared
in Hollywood movies including Wag the Dog and Dumb and Dumber – who says
like father like son?
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